covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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