You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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