those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we're so committed to being not committed
I want a musical about memes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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