Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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