Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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