it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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