I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
