u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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