Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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