Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
