when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
