Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
