I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it's like iHOP with fire
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
