shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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