is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
