What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
