Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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