I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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