Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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