Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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