just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize