have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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