he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize
