you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
