Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize