Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
