I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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