she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Screwed.edu
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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