Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
