I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
