Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
