I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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