He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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