Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
