Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Randomize
