So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
