She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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