i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize