I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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