Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
