She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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