he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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