There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
