i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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