So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
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You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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