The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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