If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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