he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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