Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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