If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
