My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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