STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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