Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the condom got lost in my hair
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
