If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
