I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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