Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
