just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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