I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
