OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
