Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
