The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
