guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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