Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
