last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
