he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
